3rd Culture Kid

 Olivia would absolutely kill me if she knew I was putting this on the blog...but I just have to share. She won for craziest hair at the sleepover. She actually let me do all this to her hair and was good natured about it. I wanted to get some of that halloween hair color spray, but she would have none of that. She HATES to have her hair cut, or do anything "strange"  that I would do with mine, like allow my stylist to try as many color combinations as she'd like in my hair, or chop it all off in a whim. To me it is JUST HAIR and will grow back if I don't like. My hair is like a mood ring. I don't like it to be the same for too long at a time. Though I have pretty much decided long hair is not for me. The shortest and funkiest  I can get without looking retarded or blimp-like, I'm game. But that's me, NOT my daughter, Olivia. She hates my modern/abstract choices in decorating art, what have you. In Wichita, we had a beautiful floral couch that was given to us, I agree it was pretty, but it was just not my style. I had beige cover for it, that constantly had to be arranged to look nice. Olivia often would just take the cover off completely, and then I'd come back through and put it on again. She couldn't believe I painted our dining room red. She hates that I give her three- year-old brother a mohawk. When I come back from getting my hair cut and/or colored, I know better than to ask what she thinks...so  I say, "well wait 'til you have your own house to decorate, walls to paint, son's head to take care of. " So that's why she would kill me to know these photos are here. But that's just why I have to share!!!

I have come a long way in developing my own personality and tastes since I was her age. My gosh it makes me shake my head...she is JUST LIKE I WAS at this age!! I was a little adult, wanted to be all grown up, not seen as a child in the least. I had wise observations on the statements and actions of my little sister, as she does on her sibs. I wanted to be "proper", not too wild, not drawing too much attention to myself, being just unique enough to feel a bit adventurous. She is painfully, paralyzingly afraid of situations she didn't expect, couldn't see coming, couldn't prepare herself for. I would have been the same. I have slowly worked myself out of the painful shyness I had as a kid & teenager because of which I COULD NOT MAKE MYSELF say something to someone I didn't know, couldn't even think of anything to say, so afraid there would be knots in my stomach. So we're not surprised at her complaints of stomach and throat pain amidst all our moving and making new friends, visiting new churches for support, churches to attend while here for two months of training etc. Just one of the reasons the kids stayed with grandparents while Jerry and I were on the road all summer sharing about our ministry and developing ministry partnerships.

We ask most for prayers for Olivia

with our move to Kenya, because she doesn't know how to prepare herself for this. We've

 done all that we can. She has a pen pal in Kenya who's daddy is also an AIM-Air pilot. We've

 studied Africa extensively in our home schooling. We've studied Swahili. We've talked a lot about the orientation we'll got through for three weeks when we get there, the two weeks living in a Kenyan family's home after that. We've talked about jet lag, race, accents, not drinking the water, crowds, crime, how she'll likely have people pawing over her hair, different culture....absolutely everything we can think of to possibly prepare our precious daughter for what she will face. 

Yet we don't know just what she'll face. We don't know what we'll face. Because Jerry grew up in Papua New Guinea and I grew up in Costa Rica, we CAN assure here that IT WILL BE OKAY, but really,

 how much does that help coming from mom and dad??

We had fun at the mother/daughter sleep over and it was great to see her with friends being her silly, playful uninhibited self. I was SO glad to see her feeling at ease, not out of place, not unsure of what to make of everything as she has been with all the changes in the past couple years. We are at a mission center and all the kids here GET IT... They know what it's like to always be in limbo, never being "home"...but here she can say, "I just live here for two months, then we're at grandma & Grandpa's and then we fly across the world to a country I've never been and I am supposed to call it home and be happy about that and the fact I'm leaving friends behind. I am supposed to smile and be cordial to all the new people I meet, all the people I've known since I was 'this

 high', all the people who said they changed my diaper..." I get what it feels like for her to be comfortable with kids that just understand all that without saying a word.  I understand that she doesn't yet know that that is who she is now  -a child without a "home". From now on, she will always have to stop and think when people ask where she's from. 

By virtue of us deciding God has called our family overseas, we've made her an outsider in the country she was born in. Sure, she looks it and her passport says it, but from now on, she will belong to- not the second country we will live in and make home as best we can (Kenya)- but a third culture...the culture of those kids (like the ones at this center) who don't feel quite at home anymore in their "passport country",  yet when in their at home abroad country, clearly, the skin color, the accent doesn't match; so she is a member of the third culture, made up by smooshing (technical term) the cultures she knows together.

 It will be hard. She will cry for her best friend left behind in the states who will seem to forget her as her life goes on though Olivia's will take a while to "get going", and find "normal" in Kenya. She will cry when she can't see her grandparents her first birthday or Christmas abroad. Will we abort our plans for all the pain this move will cause? Not a chance. We know, having been MKs (Missionary Kids),  that though there is much pain, there is much happiness. Mention a continent now, we probably have a friend there. Listen to the world news, we've got a particular insight into what's going on because we've been there or seen a government do that, we know missionaries there and this is what their ministry is all about.... Our lives are much richer for the experiences we've had. Our spiritual lives are much more developed for the missionaries of great faith who we watched in action, for the nationals, new Christians with faiths that put ours to shame when we doubt that God will not heal or move this mountain or change that government policy. They pray for dinner and it shows up. They pray for healing and it happens. Their life was threatened and cursed and God protected them. 

These are the stories we want Olivia  to see and feel. I want her to cry like I did in despair at the mountainside slums with no running water where the children are dirty sick and starving. I want her to feel what God must when he sees it and hears their prayers daily. God has not only called Jerry & me to the mission field. He's not ignorant to the fact we have three children and there's a reason, probably lots of them he wants them there too. I can't wait to see what they will be. But in the meantime, please pray for my baby as she sees how hard it is to become an MK and third culture kid.